kissing longer

A lot has happened since I last wrote.  I apologize- I know that I haven't been blogging much since all the pre-wedding activities.
Oh how time flies.
This deployment has started taking it's toll on me.  I find myself at the most random times gasping for a quick breath to fill my lungs as if I forgot how to breath.  I know how much Bern hates to see me stressed, or cry, and in all honesty I think I've been pretty strong.  I have the most amazing friends and family to turn to for support.  
 Yes, I'd get teary eyed when I'd think, "This time next year, Bernie STILL won't be back," or when deployment got brought up in casual conversation. But while making my monthly trip to WalMart for a that-time-of-the-month box of tampons, we walked into the Garden Center.  For those of you who don't know, the Garden Center is my favorite thing about WalMart. Absolute favorite. We walked past the flowers and I said, "Oh, Bern can we get some flowers to plant in the  yard....just to freshen things up?" He'd smile and say something cute, but never really gave me a Yes or No. Finally, we were in the BBQ tools area and I informed him that we'd probably need one of those grate things that hold veggies on the grill and he said, "Babe, I'm leaving in 3 weeks, do you think we really need that?" 
"Well...I'm just ready to start my life with you."  I said.  
And BOOM! 
Tears started flowing for I knew that there wouldn't be the cute first starter home, no hours upon hours spent in front of the paint swatches trying to find the perfect color for our bedroom.  No need to go through the rug aisle to find the cutest welcome mat for our front door.  No unwrapping wedding gifts and trying to rearrange the kitchen so all the new cookie sheets, pots and pans could fit. 
Keep in mind, I did mention that it was that time of the month, so of course my hormones were a mess.
For the longest time, when I'd think about Bernie's deployment, I thought, "Well, there is still plenty of time left...I still have yet to get married."  Then we got married. I'd find another excuse like, "Well, we still have yet to come back from our honeymoon."  We made it home with no delayed flights.  "Well, I'm still in school."  Finals got over last week. "Well, we still have our Mother's Days picnic." That was yesterday.
Now, I see that all the things that those experiences of being a new wife, that I felt I got cheated out of, are what we KNEW was going to happen.  Everything is going according to plan.
When we got engaged, we knew we'd get married in 2 years or 7 months.  We  chose a 7 month engagement.  We planned this.  Shockingly, everything has been going according to plan.  I can't be feeling sorry for myself. This is what we wanted.



I don't have long until he leaves and I am not about to take any second for granted.  I'm going to hold him longer, kiss him sweeter, and laugh harder than I have ever before.


xoxx